BY MICHAEL ANTONIO PAGANO
Michael Antonio Pagano is a 28 year old Writer, Actor and Comedian.
I met her two days before the world changed. I had just finished my shift bar tending when this girl caught my eye as she walked in with her friends. It was a very slow night at the bar, it felt like the calm before the Covid storm. I guess like many of us I had no idea what we were in for or else I would have gone right for the whisky instead of playing games drinking beer. Me being a shy dude in his 20s, I hung out in the back leaning against the wall taking in the image of a very passionate DJ with an empty dance floor. But then she and her friends started to do what most men don’t do in this situation, they enjoyed themselves. They started to dance, and my buddy who took over for me bar tending was trying to be my wingman. Nudging me over as he was talking to them but I ignored him. However my shyness ended once I graduated from my third beer to my fourth.
We had television screens of the news all over and it seemed like every time I looked up I saw either a digital image of the virus or of Trump. Neither of which are ideal. Eventually my guy waved me over and I started talking to them. It’s difficult to remember how much time had passed from when we started talking to when we’re dancing together.
My brain plays the memory like a scratched up DVD that just completely skips from one scene to another. At some point she whispers in my ear “you’re hot as hell”. It was interesting hearing what every guy wants to hear while seeing what no one wants to see which are again multiple TV screens of Trumps let’s call it “face” while a toll of numbers of people infected by the virus grow. The mixed emotions of it all felt a bomb was about to go off in my head. I asked her if she wanted to go out back and hookup, she smiled and nodded grabbing my hand and we walked out back.
When we walked outside it was a beautiful warm night. I saw one guy passed out at the table, and for reasons that I still don’t understand, another guy climbing the fence to get in, even though the door itself was open. So once he got over the fence, he and I got the other guy up and to walk him inside. I was for sure this would kill the vibe. But to my surprise she waited ’till this circus act was over. I closed the door and turned to her. She took a sip of her Corona and handed it to me; I took a sip and placed it on the ground. It’s funny, when it feels like it’s the end of the world, you kiss like it’s the end of the world.
The next day I kept thinking to text her. I haven’t put my heart out there in a long time but I figured I’d give it a shot. So I did, saying “I know this is probably the worst time in history to ask someone out, but would you want to get to know each other more?” To a great surprise she said yes.
Following day America shuts down. I live in New York and the city that never sleeps, was now in a coma. I remember texting her saying “told you this was the worst time to ask someone out”. She and I kept talking during the two weeks but then the weeks turned into months. We continued to speak as the bad news just kept getting worse. The numbers of infections and death kept growing. There were hospital tents being set up in central park, Navy hospital ships entering New York Harbor — bodies being loaded into refrigerated trucks and at night, the Empire State building lit a red siren to honor the health care workers. Yet when I saw the sky glowing red I couldn’t help but feel that it was us New Yorkers crying for help to anyone who sees our light.
The idea that I finally started to be interested in someone again but I can’t see them was almost comical. It’s like you don’t take a house of cards falling so seriously when you’re in the middle of an earth quake. But when the earthquake ends, you go “dammit that was a really nice house of cards though”. As a summer filled with protests for racial justice started to come to an end and become fall, the obstacle course we were going through as a country seemed to have no end in sight. We started talking less and less.
Five months later I was able to walk into my bar again. It was just me accompanied with a haunting silence. At this point I almost felt like I had changed as a person. Only five months, but it felt like years to me. So much had happen to this country since the last time I was in here. I went out back to clean, and to my surprise, what I saw on the ground was that same Corona Bottle. When my eyes caught that it felt like someone blew a dart right into my heart. I felt as empty as that bottle, and went back inside. Sitting in the silence I couldn’t help but think of the contrast of how great of a mood I was in the last time I was here to the way I felt now. I turned on the TV just to fill the place with some sound. The channel was still on the news; I thought “great now what? Oh yea, Jesus…we got an election coming up”
The End
