BY CAIO OLIVEIRA
Caio Oliveira is a teacher, copy editor, translator, and writer in his spare time. He has thought about saving the world, then changing it somehow, but nowadays he just wishes to drink his beer in peace. When writing, he follows Ivan Lessa’s advice and treats the rest of mankind as the assholes that we all are.
I go into the frat house where the Halloween party is being held and head over to the makeshift bar, which is obviously more crowded than the rest of the house. I pick up beer in a plastic cup and look around: people making out, lefty assholes discussing Howard Zinn or whatever the fuck that it is that they talk about, people dancing to electro music by some foreign DJ with a weird name. Everything is as it has always been, even during a pandemic.
I drink beer after beer until I start to feel my senses a little numb and a certain joy takes over me. It’s an open bar sort of party; that’s why I drink with careless abandon, especially because I jumped over a wall and sneaked into the house, not having to take a cent out of my pocket. After the eleventh or twelfth beer, I’m positively giddy.
Suddenly, to my eternal joy (although part of it was caused by the effects of alcohol), a red-haired girl with beautiful, freckled breasts that jump out of her pink hippie blouse, starts looking at me with some interest. A freshman, probably, who probably doesn’t know my reputation. Well, even if she does, she doesn’t seem to care. There is not an ounce of good in me. I am a predator, a vampire, a soulless hack. But I digress.
I’m inwardly excited, but I play it cool. She talks to the cute friends who laugh every five seconds and look everywhere at all times, sips a screwdriver, dances a little twerking her delicious ass, always intercalating each of these actions with a look in my direction. Everything else, the noise, the people, and even the interest in harming the party owners with my unrestrained and swindling consumption of their booze, disappear when she does that. I want to talk to her, take her home, undress her, fuck her like a porn actress and then fuck her again. I’m drunk, alone and I have nothing to lose. I decide to go over there.
“Hi …”, she says, drunk, but not enough to not consent. Score.
“Hi. Your name is…?”
“Fiona. Yours?”
“ Sean.”. I lie. “Nice to meet ya. What’s ye major?”
“Nursing. How about yourself?”
“They say I am a Philosophy major, but I highly doubt that.” The idiot laughs, probably without even understanding the joke. “Your age?”
“Eighteen years of a well lived life, kind sir”. Great, legal. Not a fucking 16-year-old precocious cunt that would have me in jail for statutory rape after I inevitably break her heart.
“Great, great. But what do you mean ‘well lived’? – I say, wanting to stimulate her speech and cheer her up with the illusion that I hear her and that I care.
“I appreciate the good things in life… Good food, good drinks, the embrace a good man…”
Oh, I laugh, she laughs, I tell her she should be a poet or some shit and then I am IN. She appears to be slutty, but she may be one of those prickly assholes who actually had sex only once or twice with the high school sweetheart. I decide to take a big step, even at the risk of losing the girl due to the sudden appearance of some misguided moral compass.
“Do you like E?” I ask, not without a certain caution in my voice. If something goes wrong, I’ll just turn my back and try something else with someone else. “Ecstasy, you know, heightened sensitivity, palpitations in different parts of the body … Do you like it?
“Of course I like it. Once…”, and then I have to listen, for about twenty minutes, to the exciting story of how she had already taken ecstasy with her stupid friends at a club. I can handle this rambling stoically, because with each word the chances of me getting in her panties increase. I agree with her, I start to run my hand here and there in the appropriate places and, after what seems like an eternity, we are kissing desperately. I wait for the lust to increase to take the next step.
“Look, I have ecstasy at home, do you want to go there and take it with me?” Not subtle, but I decide to go for it. “After all, the party is really full, don’t you think?
She thinks for a while and before I decide to insist she goes over to one of her friends, whispers something in her ear and takes out the cell phone that was in the girl’s purse. She waves to the others and comes to me.
“Do you live far away from here, kind sir?” Ha ha ha, I’m in fucking heaven.
-“More or less, but I’m driving. Let’s go.”
She offers me her hand to take it, but I don’t take it.
We mask up and leave the party. At the exit door, the bouncer, though my face is half-covered, recognizes me and scowls, but I indicate with my hand that I am leaving and nothing happens. We go to my BMW parked two blocks away, turn off the alarm and tell her to get in the car. If she was impressed, imagine now.
I drive slowly so as not to do anything stupid and within five minutes we arrive at my place. The doorman lets us in and gives me a very meaningful look. He knows what’s about to happen and smiles surreptitiously.
We get out of the car and go up in the elevator already kissing and I am feeling her up with careless abandon. Manuel will take care of the tapes later. Her breasts are delicious and I can’t wait to get in.
My apartment is completely untidy; there are beer bottles everywhere, pizza boxes in the kitchen sink and clothes scattered on the floor. I don’t say anything about the mess, just point her towards the bedroom, but first she wants to pee. I look for the pills, leave them on the headboard and get ready for a great night of sex with… oh, crap, I forgot.
She enters, indicates that she is ready for me to start undressing her and finally I get what I want. For a moment before my orgasm I think that she would be a great girlfriend and that I could even fall in love if I knew her more. I catch a glimpse of me being a different, better person. Of me being somehow saved by the love of a dullard. But then I come, and the moment is over.
I don’t want to talk after sex, although I try to be nice so that one of these days I can fuck her again. She realizes that I am laconic and says she is leaving. At that time, in the face of his imminent departure, I get horny again. I propose a shower to freshen up and after she sleeps with me. Her face lights up and we go to the bathroom.
We showered and later we still have sex again. This time we go more slowly and she comes twice. There is no chance that I will see her again after so much intimacy, but I assure her that I will call the next day. We sleep together, but I avoid any contact after having sex and the next morning she leaves, never to be heard from again. Whatever.
